This week was kind of awful. I had four scheduled medical appointments plus three surprise ones. Three of the appointments were just blood work, which isn't that bad because I have a central line (CVC), but they are still annoying. I had a bone scan and had enough Ativan I don't remember the injection or scan, which means it went ok (I don't like scans due to my needle phobia and they can't use my CVC for them). The machine was similar to the machine used for CT Scans but the tube you go through is very different. Two appointments were blood transfusions.I had to get them because my hemoglobin was low so I had packed red blood cells, twice. They aren't really that bad, but they take a long time because the flow rate is slow. Each transfusion means 5 hours spent in the day unit of the Cross. For these long days I take a pillow, because the hospital ones are horrible! A pillow is a necessity! Sometimes I bring my own blanket to get cozy, but typically I do like the heated blankets at the hospital. My Ipod, headphones and tablet always come with me as well. The goal is to try to sleep the time away. I also bring a lot of snacks. Even though the volunteers bring snacks and they try, in the end it is hospital food. I'm finding it hard to eat so small bite foods is best. Energy bite balls, carrots with tzatziki, bell peppers, and mini oranges are my usuals. I do find it much harder to eat on long hospital days, but I don't know why. Anyway, that's enough about the week, time to move on.
People tell me I am positive and it is a choice. To me I don't see a choice, you just have to accept it. There are two responses: you try your best to accept it, move forward and move on; or fight against it. In the end it is always there, you'd never be able to move on and enjoy what is right in front of you. I'm in a precarious position as we don't know what will happen, but to be honest it doesn't occupy my thoughts. It doesn't affect me most of the time. If it doesn't affect me, then why despair? I just enjoy what is around me right now. I wouldn't actually say I'm a positive thinker, I am a realist. I let logic lead before emotions. I don't dwell on what could happen, because why should I? I focus on the now. As for the now, this weekend I was able to rest and relax. I spent time with my family (including my nana) and my puppy and started a new TV series. All in all, it was a fantastic end to a very long week.